The Dating Game
If you knew me better, you would find this post hilarious before it even begins. Since you do not, I shall supply a bit of back story. As I said in an earlier post, I could and should write a book about my life. It is not only tragic and hilarious, but good movie material. I digress, my apologies. Anyway, about seventeen years ago, I split up with my husband. I wasn't really given a choice and as I look back, I am glad he didn't give me one. He left me for a woman he had never physically met online. Sad part is that she was my online pal. My best one. You know when the internet was first becoming popular and everyone was making long distance friends? I told that woman everything, and she used it all to steal my husband and destroy my life. Now at the time, I would have happily killed her and prayed I got away with murder. And though my life has been hell since the divorce, I am grateful she tore my world apart.
Part of my self punishment was to deny myself companionship. Not just male. I really didn't have or keep many friends for around 8 years after that horrible event in my life. I used my heartache and pain as a complete shield. It didn't get me anywhere but alone and older. I eventually decided I was tired of being alone and tried jumping into the wonderful world of dating (sarcasm intended). When I say it was a disaster, it was more like a complete tragedy! I ended up meeting a man that I adored. He didn't feel the same about me. So I tried to bury my sorrow in dating, ya wrong answer. I know that it was about nine years ago when this happened, but most men my age (then) are pigs or super emotional. I ended up giving up and stopped dating again. So I held that pain for loving someone for the second time close to my chest and used it as another shield to remain single with a misguided belief he would change his mind. Boy, I was a complete idiot. I lost myself yet again because I had loved. Sad really. I mean, not the falling in love part, the part where I lose myself. It wouldn't be bad if the other person felt the same. But they never do. I am one of those all or nothing types too. I mean when I fall in love, I am the most head strong, dedicated, willing to die for them and make their world the best possible place, type of person. And that never seems to be enough, so when I say I am gun shy, I am more than gun shy. I am the if a man was really interested in me I would run for the hills while thinking he was lying type. How is that for a mouthful?
Yet when I started this blog, I put as one of my to do things, fall in love. Call me a sucker. No matter what life has done to me, I still believe that there has to be someone out there that will see exactly what I am and love me back for it. Someone out there that will appreciate my endless devotion, not take it for granted and dish it all right back to me. I decided to give it one last shot. I entered the dating game again. I put myself out there online, because Lord knows I work so much that meeting someone at an event will be damn near impossible. Let me say this, what the hell is wrong with men?? I hate to generalize but sheesh. One guys opening line was and I quote verbatim, "Wanna F***?" I mean really? I naturally went off on him, I am a true redhead. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but to not even pretend like he had an interest or vocabulary for Pete's sake??
I shall sign off for now, for I know I will have many other dating stories in my future. A girl can hope!