I feel like every time I sit down to write a new blog that I am apologizing. Usually it is for my lack of being here. I started this blog with the hopes that I would start to accomplish things on my bucket list. My way of having a midlife crisis I suppose. Then thanks to my trademark turn of luck, things just keep getting worse and I know that they can and will get better with time. It is just that I am running out of time. I got lucky and got approved for unemployment, but that ended when I went back into the hospital. Then started back up. But I had been on it and off of it since October and in exactly two weeks, I will no longer have it. Now I have no problem whatsoever working. I have spent the last 20 years working 10 to 16 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. So please don't think I am even the slightest bit lazy, I am not. Even while being sick and sometimes weak, I have been making my coasters, trivets, hair bows, art, animal ears and more. Not just to keep my mind active, but in the hopes to make money to help support my son and myself. And though I don't make much off of my creations, they have helped pay a bill or two. Sometimes they have just put gas in my car or paid for this website. Yet though I constantly am working on something, I have yet to get a job. Though not by choice.
Recap: I ended up in the hospital with double pulmonary embolisms. Almost died. Two months to recover. Started to look for work. Started hemorrhaging and almost bled to death and almost died yet again. That's when they found the mass on my uterus. Did the biopsy......drum roll please..... Cancer! Now they are going to do a hysterectomy and a hernia operation at the same time. I am a okay with that. But thanks to the blood thinners and what not, I am now an even higher risk for surgery. I am okay with that too. I figure someone isn't done torturing me yet, so I am not going to die on that table. What I have a problem with is I am broke. Two more weeks of unemployment and then I will go in for surgery. No more income coming in of any kind and I have a mouth other than mine to feed and bills to pay. Funny how bills and other things that cost money don't care about human life, yet we as humans chase everything that money can buy. Especially if it isn't a necessity. Think about it. I mean really think about it. Example: I would kill, absolutely kill (figuratively of course) for a pedicure. My feet look like the Crypt Ceepers face. That is my main want at the moment and though I know I can't afford one and I know I won't get one. It does not stop me from wishing I could have it. Sometimes I wish for it more that something for lunch. LOL Now I won't go and spend money that I can't afford for something I want, but I have known others throughout the years that would have said and did say, "Screw the electric, I am getting my nails done." What kills me about this, they somehow always manage to find someone to pay for their bills and etc. I don't get it. I mean, I want that pedicure, but I need a home first. So I continue to make the right choices, or so I think, and take care of my responsibilities first. I try to live positively and treat others as I would like to be treated and sometimes I feel like that makes things worse.
I give. Basically, I just needed to vent today. I am at my wits end, out of options, out of money and no one will hire me because I am being honest and telling them that I have to have a major surgery here soon. I wish they surgery was done and over with, I need to work. I WANT to work. I might try the gofundme site again. But I feel like I am pushing my wants and needs upon others. Then again, as I stated before, I am doing everything I can think of and I am open to suggestions if any of you have any other ideas. I am out of them. Thanks for listening to my rant. I live for the day that I can actually make this blog what I intended it to be. Best wishes to all.